


The Survivor

by SassySnowperson (DramaticEntrance)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars: Shattered Empire
Genre: (aka hello Poe Dameron you are born at an awkward place on the timeline), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon-Typical Violence, Found Family Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Multi, Pining, Polyamory, Shara and Kes adopt a grumpy spy, Star Wars Original Trilogy Timeline, Unplanned Pregnancy, they don't trust him to take care of himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 19:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16708684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticEntrance/pseuds/SassySnowperson
Summary: When Shara Bey yanks Cassian into her A-Wing and off of Scarif he isn't anything remotely close to grateful."Hey, you're awake." The voice sounded surprised. Cassian turned his head and found that same pilot sitting by his bedside."What are you doing here?" Cassian asked, voice hoarse."I saved your life, I'm invested now.""I didn't ask you to," Cassian snarled, grief and confusion driving his words. "You should have left me."





	The Survivor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nichestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nichestars/gifts).



> I love the idea of these three together, and was so delighted to have a chance to write it. Thank you for prompting it! 
> 
> Thanks, as ever, as always, to my dedicated betas and cheerleaders, who made excited noises until the fic existed. 
> 
> _Additional Warnings: As Cassian deals with issues of grief and mourning, he wonders why he survived, and he's not sure he wanted to. If you're very sensitive to issues of suicidal ideation, there are more specific (slightly spoilery) warnings in the end notes._

* * *

"Attention all fighters, the plans have been secured. Begin evacuation immediately." 

Shara grit her teeth, glanced back down at the control tower, where a lone figure leaned on the console panel, two bodies on the platform alongside him. 

"This is real dumb, Bey," Shara said to herself, and threw her A-Wing into a dive. She pulled out of the dive level with the platform and threw open the A-Wing's canopy. "Hey!" she screamed. 

The man looked over at her, startled. He was injured, Shara could see that now. 

"Get over here!" 

The man took a couple of limping steps, then looked over at one of the bodies. A woman, long brown hair, that's all Shara could tell. He faltered, looking to Shara and giving a tiny shake of his head. 

"Damn it," Shara snarled, and canopy still open (which was really stupid, but Shara was good at this) she carefully maneuvered the A-Wing closer, so it hovered just feet away from the man. "Get _in_!" she yelled over the rushing air.

Agonizingly slowly, the man stumbled forward one step, then another, and fell against the side of the A-Wing. Shara grumbled, she unhooked her belt, shoved her chair back, perched on the edge of it, and braced the control column with her knee (which should _not_ have worked but, here's the thing, Shara was really fucking good at this), and reached down to haul the man into the A-Wing.

"There's not enough—" he tried to protest, a worrying wet sound to his lungs. 

"We will _figure it out_ ," Shara grumbled, getting him to slide in behind her. Get him off the planet first, worry about possible injuries second. She dragged his leg into the cockpit, braced along the outside of hers, and settled back in, half perched on his lap, half on the edge of the seat. 

It was awkward, but all the limbs were inside the ship and Shara could still hit all the controls, so she sealed the canopy closed again. 

The man made some other grumbling noise of protest—or sorrow, whatever it was, he was not appreciating all the trouble Shara was going to on his behalf. Shara shook her head, and gently pointed the A-Wing up again. Hopefully they wouldn't get blown up by TIE fighters now. That would a particularly irritating irony. 

"Buckle in if you can," Shara told the man behind her. 

He didn't respond. 

"And don't fucking die on me when I'm stuck in here with you, you are going to make it to medical before deciding whether or not to expire, you understand me?" Shara snapped. 

It made her feel better, even if it didn't do much else. 

"Command, this is Green four, I've got injured, requesting clearance to dock with a medical transport." 

After a moment, a too-young voice crackled over the radion, "Green Four, I have you in a single-seater A-Wing?" 

Shara grit her teeth. "I am _requesting clearance_ to dock immediately," fire sizzled past her canopy, and she threw herself into the gentlest barrel roll she could manage, considering she was not _fucking strapped in_ in the middle of a war zone. 

She weighed her options and gunned the sublights. There was a worrying oof from the man behind her as acceleration drove her into him, but better he be a little squashed than a little...vaporized. 

She shot through the shattered shieldgate, comms finally coming back on and directing her to one of the transport frigates. She managed a fast, gentle landing that she should receive a medal for, and was pleased to see medics waiting outside her ship.

As the transport gave the judder that indicated it was jumping to lightspeed, the man was hauled out of her cockpit and on a stretcher, disappearing with efficiency down the hallway. 

Shara sighed and collapsed against the A-Wing. "Well that was a ride, wasn't it girl?" 

* * *

Cassian woke up. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. It hadn't really been...in the plan. He wasn't sure how many of the others had made it. Not enough, he was certain. 

Not K-2SO, who had sacrificed himself keep Cassian safe. Not Jyn. She hadn't—by the time the reckless A-Wing pilot had come, it was too late. 

"Hey, you're awake." The voice sounded surprised. Cassian turned his head (everything hurt) and found that same pilot sitting by his bedside. 

"What are you doing here?" Cassian asked, voice hoarse. 

The pilot shrugged one shoulder. "I'm not normally assigned to this transport, so I don't really know anyone here. They fished you out of bacta, figured I didn't have anything better to do than keep you company." 

Cassian glared at her. "I don't need a watcher." 

"I saved your life, I'm invested now." 

"I didn't ask you to," Cassian snarled, grief and confusion driving his words. "You should have left me." 

"Hey now I—" 

"Get out." Cassian's jaw set. After a moment he added an icy, "Please." 

With a sigh, the pilot stood and left. 

* * *

"And now I'm worried about him." Shara sighed in the holocomm, flickering blue as Kes held it. He wished he could reach out and touch her, sooth the worry away from her face. 

"You saved his life, babe. What he does with it is his own business." 

Shara folded her arms. "I still don't like it. I think it's survivor’s guilt. He thinks he should have died down there." 

"Ground battles look different. You get different traumas," Kes said, lost for a moment in his own memories of the stink of blood, the sounds of death. Sometimes he wished he could fight Shara's cleaner war, where you didn't have to come face-to-face with the cost. But Kes knew where he was most useful; Sergeant Dameron was damn good at keeping young soldiers alive, and making sure they came back home.

"I know. Survivor's guilt is pretty universal, though." Shara ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm going to try visiting him again. If he kicks me out…" She looked miserable as she gave a little shrug. 

"Then he's got no taste." Kes winked, not sure how the gesture would translate. 

She smiled back. "I know, right? I'm great. Who wouldn't want me around?" 

"I certainly do. Take care of yourself, alright?" 

"It's not me I'm worried about." 

"I know. But with that thing in the sky...?" Kes went quiet. He didn't like thinking about it. 

"I know," Shara said softly. "It's going to be bad for a while. I'll take care of myself. You do the same."

"Deal. Clear skies, love." 

"Easy roads. I love you." Shara smiled, blowing a kiss to the screen.

* * *

"I'm a masochist," Shara muttered, poking her head through the door. 

Cassian caught sight of her and looked away. It wasn't a no. She walked in, collapsing down into the chair next to him. 

He didn't say anything. 

Silent treatment. Terrific. Of all the things Shara loved, toddler-level coping mechanisms were by far her favorite. 

Oh wait, no, the opposite of that. 

"I figured it might get boring in here, so I brought some holovids?" Shara tried. 

Nothing, again. 

Fine. 

Shara, exasperated and just a little vindictive, queued up a show, tossing the projector on the overbed table. 

A garish spray of colors came from the holoprojector. "Alright friends!" a squeaky voice cheered, as an animated purple blob bounced onto the screen. "It's time to go to _Friendship Station!_ " 

A parade of young sapients followed the blob, singing an inane song about caring and respect as they danced through their primary-colored space station. 

Cassian looked over and glared at her. 

Shara folded her arms and smiled. "I mean, if you want to watch something else, just ask." 

Cassian huffed, settling back in bed. He didn't say anything, though. And he didn't turn off the holoprojector. 

A slight smile played around his lips. 

Oh that _bastard_. Caught in her own trap, Shara grimly settled in to watch an animated cast teach her about the power of respect, things that started with the letter "e", and how to count to seventeen. After three episodes (three fucking episodes, she had underestimated just how _stubborn_ he would be) Cassian fell asleep. 

Shara gratefully turned off the holoprojector. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. She wasn't sure whether that was a win or a loss, but it was...progress? At least?

Shara looked down at the sleeping man. Asleep, he looked almost peaceful. Those lines around his eyes softened, and the tension bled out of his jaw. He looked almost soft. Shara had an instinct to smooth his hair down, one which she firmly quashed, seeing as how she liked having full control of her fingers. 

Still. Definitely progress. 

* * *

Cassian was aware that a passive-aggressive game of refusing to talk was not the best way to handle the situation. But with his litany of injuries, he was stuck in the bed, he didn't know what was happening, everything was disorienting and painful and not what he wanted. 

He didn't want to be dead, exactly. He just...didn't want to deal with all this. Existence. It was too much. And none of it was in his control. 

Except for the childish game he was playing with the pilot. He refused to talk, and she kept coming back, and then they'd watch some horrible media together. So far she'd tried children's holos, a trashy reality show about rich women living on Coruscant, a documentary on flag-making, and overacted holonovelas where the number of twins with amnesia defied the statistical bell-curve. 

He'd watch until he fell asleep, wake up, and she'd be gone.

He never faked the falling asleep. He didn't really mind her company, he had enough self-awareness to know. It was nice to have a challenge. 

It was nice that someone kept coming back. 

Today, she appeared and she looked—different. 

Cassian's interrogator instincts kicked in, and he broke down her facial expressions. She looked concerned, worried, were her eyes red? 

Yes, they were, he confirmed when she looked at him. She had been crying, or was close to it now, but her jaw was set with determination. 

"Hey Cass," she said, then twitched. "Cassian." 

Cass had been another attempt on her part to get him to break his silence. Apparently she thought he wasn't the nicknaming sort. He was worried by her use of his full name. 

She continued, "I know we've got our...thing, but there's something going on, and you should know about it." She walked over to his bedside, more hesitant than she'd been before. "We were on rotation to go back to Yavin IV." 

Cassian nodded slowly, more acknowledgement than he'd given her so far. 

"We're being diverted."

"Why?" he asked, the first word he had spoken to her since he'd asked her to leave. 

She looked so grateful at the feedback he felt a little guilty for not speaking sooner. "The Death Star is on approach."

Cassian could feel himself grow dizzy, one of the omnipresent machines beeped in concern. She was over by his bed in an instant, looking worried, checking the machine. 

Cassian shook his head. "What's the response?" he asked. His voice was hoarse from lack of use, but the words were clear. 

He hadn't been any sort of friend to her. She could leave him with his worry and be perfectly justified. He didn't quite have the right words to express his gratitude when she didn't even seem to think of it, simply nodded seriously and sat down next to him, all business as she said, "Here's what I know." 

The plans had been lost (Cassian was grateful he had never known that news) but then found again, and there was a last-minute plan to intercept. All fighter squadrons had been scrambled— 

Cassian raised an eyebrow at her. 

Shara shook her head. "I'd never make it in time. They've asked me to attach to the transport for now. It might need defending. Especially if…"

"We lose Yavin," Cassian finished for her. He had never been one to have trouble saying the hard thing. 

Shara nodded. She took a shaky breath. "I've got a feed through to our forces, and I can stay in here, but—"

Cassian cocked his head. 

Shara's hands clenched. "My friends are in that sky and my husband is on the ground there and I can't handle it if you're going to be…"

As Cassian watched, her eyes filled with tears. He reached over, taking her hand. "I won't," he said seriously. 

Shara nodded, squeezing his hand. She didn't let go as she propped her datapad so they could both watch the scrolling text feed. 

"What's his name?" Cassian asked. 

"Kes," Shara said, and her face looked as soft as he had ever seen it. "Kes Dameron.” 

They settled in to track the unravelling catastrophe. It was hard, watching Shara, who twitched at every new fighter death that reported in. There were too many. 

As the casualties rose, Shara stood up from her chair, angrily pacing away from the bed, her hands clawing agonizing lines through her hair. "I should be out there," she gritted out. 

"I'm sorry." If she hadn't saved him, she wouldn't be on this ship… 

She seemed to follow his line of thinking and shook her head in dismissal. "It's hard. When you're fighting, you don't have to deal with the death toll until it's over." 

Cassian nodded, understanding that line of thinking.

Shara let out one more frustrated snarl, then circled back to the bed, settling in next to Cassian. 

He hesitated a moment, then reached for her hand again. She gave it, and a grateful smile besides. Cassian squeezed it gently. She shifted, leaning closer, her shoulder pressed against his. 

Sometimes you just needed to know you weren't alone. 

It was anticlimactic, when text scrolled across the screen:

`DS destroyed, Red 5 confirmed kill`

The monster was gone. Yavin was safe. It was done. Cassian had gathered the team, gotten the plans, and others had found the way to use them, to score the shot that felled the beast. Such a massive moment should have had some sort of serenade, some horn of victory sounded to the four winds. 

But all Cassian had was Shara's shaky gasp, her burying her face against his shoulder. He turned his head to her hair and felt his own tears come, the tension that had built collecting it's due.

It was a poor sort of symphony, but it was it was beautiful in its own way. 

After the tears had run their course, they separated, Shara taking her hand back to wipe at her eyes. She looked at him and smiled, helplessly, tears turning to laughter that bubbled up and over. "Sorry, sorry. I'm a mess." 

"You should call Kes." Cassian twisted the blanket around his finger. He didn't want her to leave, but she should confirm his safety. 

"He knows where I am. He'll call me. Yavin's going to be flooded with signals right now. We don't want to add to the noise." 

Cassian nodded. Sensible. He wasn't used to other people that thought that way. Not about matters of the heart. 

"Of course, if you were wanting me out of your hair…" Shara bit her lip, shoulders shaking in an exhausted laugh. "Sorry, just realized that may have been a polite dismissal." 

"No," Cassian said quickly. "I'd prefer it if you stayed."

Shara looked relieved. "Yeah. I'd rather not be alone right now, too." She gave him a lopsided grin. "Don't worry, tomorrow you can go back to being grumpy and quiet."

Cassian snorted. "We are well past that." 

"Are you sure?" Some thin humor made its way back into her voice, a bid at normalcy, after the magnitude of loss. "Because I found this Rodian pastor that has this _amazing_ lecture series on the spiritual importance of eating with your left hand." 

"I think I'll pass." Cassian winced. "You might have gotten me, with that one." 

"Nah, it'd put you to sleep inside of fifteen minutes." Shara shook her head. "The holonovelas kept you up too late. It was eight episodes before you went to sleep! You looked tired." 

Cassian arched an eyebrow. "You were trying to make sure I got enough sleep?" 

"Well, yeah," Shara leaned forward in her chair, resting her arms on the bed, chin on her hands as she looked up at Cassian. "I told you. I saved your life, I'm invested." 

Cassian found the words didn't bother him nearly as much, this time around. 

* * *

It took Kes eight hours to find a quiet corner of the base and finally call his wife. It had been hectic, even though there was nothing for the ground forces to _do_ , it was all hurry up and wait: prepare for evacuation, oh no, no immediate evacuation, but wait, the Empire still knows where we are, except, we've decided to have an awards ceremony. 

Kes shook his head as he mentally engaged in every soldier's favorite pastime of criticizing the brass, and punched in the comm code. It buzzed, then went through. 

Kes blinked at the holo. "You're not Shara." 

The man shook his head slightly, reaching forward and adjusting so Kes could see the mop of curly black hair piled on the bed, Shara dozing in a chair next to it. 

Kes smiled. He looked back up at the man, "I take it you're Cassian." 

Cassian inclined his head. "I haven't wanted to move her. It's been a…" he ran out of words. 

"A day," Kes finished. "It's been a god-damned day."

"Yes." Cassian looked down at Shara again, then hesitantly reached out a hand to nudge her shoulder. 

Shara startled awake, hands up in defense before she realized where she was and dropped them slowly. "Kicking me out?" she asked Cassian, her voice sleepy. 

"Your back would thank me," Cassian replied, before jerking his chin past Shara, to the holo. 

Shara turned, and Kes smiled to see the way her face lit up. "Babe!" 

"Hey, made it through, safe and sound." Kes blew his comm a kiss. 

"I'm so glad. It was hell watching. So many—" Shara blinked, looking away. 

Kes could fill in the blanks. This had been the fighter pilot's war, start to finish, and the casualties were staggeringly high. Shara had lost friends. 

Kes was terribly, horribly relieved that she hadn't been anywhere near that thing. He wouldn't tell her that, though. If they had wanted safe lives, they'd still be hauling freight and making deals. That wasn't the choice they had made. 

"Too bad you weren't there. Would have wrapped this up in no time flat," Kes smiled. 

Shara gave him an affectionate grin that said that she knew exactly what he was really thinking. "I know, right? One shot, one kill." 

"I never thought I'd hear that applied to massive weapons installations." 

Shara tipped her head, "If the shoe fits."

"Yeah…" Kes didn't have anything else to say at the moment, but he was reluctant to get off the line. It had been so close to being the end today. If he couldn't wrap his wife up in a hug, he at least wanted to look at he face a while longer. 

Looking for a new topic of conversation, Kes focused on Cassian, still visible in the holo, watching their conversation closely. "I see the two of you are actually talking now!" 

Cassian's eyes narrowed. "You told him about that?"

"He helped me pick the holos. The holonovelas are his fault." 

"Mama loved those things," Kes admitted with a grin. "I always found them oddly compelling." 

Cassian winced. "There's part of me that wants to know what happened to Lixa."

Shara crowed in delight, throwing her body back in the chair while giving a delighted clap. "I knew you were interested!" 

"Lixa," Kes dramatically tapped his lip. "I'm fairly certain she turned out to be a Twi'lek, who was genetically engineered to look like a human, but still had seasonal 'Twi'lek Love Madness'." Kes made air quotes around that last phrase.

"The Twi'lek Love—fuck that's terrible. And offensive." Cassian shook his head in disbelief. He turned to Shara. "I'm just going to have to live with this knowledge now." 

Shara gave a grim nod, smiling delighted back over to Kes. "Good choice, babe." 

"So, Cassian, do you have any messages you want me to pass on? Anything you want checked into here?" 

As Kes watched, Cassian's face shuttered. "Ah. No. I'm certain my superiors have already been informed of my condition. They'll reach out as appropriate."

Kes and Shara shared a look. Just who exactly did this guy have, after Scarif? 

Well, now he had Kes and Shara. And he'd just have to deal with that.

"We're evacuating here, but I think we're withdrawing to the same point. I'm looking forward to seeing you both." 

Cassian look confused, Shara just nodded in confirmation. "Can't wait." 

* * *

"Shara!" echoed across the flight deck and Shara smiled, waving enthusiastically as the figure of her husband bounded toward her. He picked her up and twirled her around, Shara laughing as she braced her hands on his shoulders. 

He set her down and kissed her, thoroughly enough that it made her toes curl. 

They pulled apart, and Shara bit her lip as she looked over at Cassian next to her. He looked distinctly uncomfortable, fingers curling around the top of the cane they had forced him to take, in exchange for him leaving medical on his own two feet. 

Kes followed her look, and his face brightened again. "Cassian!" 

Cassian looked surprised to be greeted. 

"It's good to see you walking around, man," Kes continued. "How you feeling?" 

Cassian looked down at the cane with a distinctly disgusted look on his face. "Could be better. But I'm walking." 

Kes nodded. "The rest will come. Thanks for taking care of Shara." 

"Oh, loverboy, that's not even remotely close to what happened," Shara said, punching him gently in the shoulder, mock offense in her tone. 

"You get antsy if you don't have something to focus on. Keeping you busy is practically a community service." Kes winked at her, then gave a smile to Cassian too. 

"It wasn't—" Cassian cut himself off, running out of words.

"Don't worry about it, Cass," Shara said, trying to reassure him. "Kes is just teasing me. You're caught in the crossfire." 

Cassian smiled, barely. It was a thin, weak expression. "It's good to see some joy." His dark eyes flicked around the landing bay, wary, observant. There was more tension in his frame than Shara had seen before. His eyes locked on something, and he gave Kes and Shara a formal nod. "I should go. Please excuse me." 

"You going to be okay?" Shara asked, knowing it was a stupid question even as she said the words. 

Cassian didn't even bother giving her an answer. "I appreciate the time you spent with me. Even when I was…" 

"An asshole," Shara finished for him. 

Amusement crinkled in the corners of his eyes. "Yes." 

With one last quick nod of his head, he went off. He seemed to head in the direction of whatever had caught his eye. It turned out to be a tall blond man, with a stern face and thinning hair. The man didn't look happy to see Cassian. Didn't look upset either. Just looked exhausted and businesslike. 

Shara was beginning to see where Cassian got it from. "You know," she said thoughtfully, "he never actually thanked me for saving his life." 

"He's a grim one, isn't he?"

Tuck Tyrell, one of Kes's squadmates caught Shara's eye, waving as he came over. "Shar! Good to see you." 

"Good to be seen, Tuck," Shara leaned up to give him a quick hug. "Hanging in there okay?" 

"Not blown up," was Tuck's assessment. "Calling that a win. Hell of a past few days, though."

Shara sighed, memory of the list of names she'd seen, one death after another, weighing on her. "Tell me about it." 

"Didn't know you knew Cassian," Tuck said, glancing over his shoulder at where Cassian had departed. 

"I pulled him off of Scarif," Shara said, with no small amount of pride. If Cassian wasn't going to appreciate it, someone else should. It was tricky flying, and she had done it impeccably well. 

Tuck's reaction seemed extreme though, his eyes climbing to his hairline. "No shit," he said reverently. "They should give you a medal. Definitely going to give him one." 

"Why?" asked Kes. 

Shara shrugged, "I think he's the one that actually got the plans out? He was on the transmission platform." 

"I…no, Kes, he's the guy!" Tuck turned on Kes. 

"Excellent description, Tyrell, good use of language." 

Tuck rolled his eyes. "He's the Intel agent that went around recruiting Pathfinders, other agents, our sabotage crew, you know. He put the mission together. Him and that girl with the Partisan ties, and the defector. He rounded everyone else up, made it happen." 

"No kidding." Shara tapped her chin. "You know, that explains some things. Like why it was so hard to get information out of him."

"How many other people do you think survived?" Kes asked. 

"Not many," Tuck shrugged. "If any." 

Shara looked over at Kes, he glanced down at her, grim look on his face. What did it do to somebody, to put a team together and then be the only person that survived it?

Kes looked down at Shara. "We're keeping an eye on him now, aren't we?" 

Shara huffed. "I saved his life. And I don't really trust him to know what to do with it." 

Kes chuckled. "Fair enough." 

* * *

"Welcome back, Captain Andor," Draven said. Cassian wondered whether or not he actually meant it. From a certain angle, his continued existence posed certain complications. 

Like what you did with someone who stole a shuttle and a dozen or so experienced operatives. Who then successfully pulled off the intelligence coup of the century. But got their entire team killed while doing it. 

Cassian was a bureaucratic nightmare walking, and he was just glad he wasn't the one responsible for untangling it. 

"Good to be back, sir." Cassian wondered whether or not he really meant it, either. But he was back, and it was time to deal with the consequences of that. 

"It's just as well you were out for the count while the plans were missing. If you had shown up then I might be forced to court martial you." Draven sat behind his desk, gesturing Cassian across. 

Cassian sat, and tried not to show how relieved he was to be getting off of his wounded hip. "But now?" 

"The Death Star is gone. Scarif is being touted as our first major victory, making the Battle of Yavin possible. Hindsight has decided, and you're a hero." Draven reached into his desk and tossed a small black box across it. 

Cassian reached forward and opened it. A golden medal shown against black velvet, attached with a ribbon, meant to be worn with uniform dress. He closed it again. "You've got to be kidding me." 

Draven's grim expression answered that question. "Afraid not. They wanted to give that damn thing to you in a ceremony." 

Cassian winced, pushing it back across the desk. "I don't want it." 

"I know." For a moment, Draven's voice was almost kind. "I told them it would mean more if I gave it to you. If anyone asks, I said something insightful, you were very moved." 

Cassian inclined his head. "Nearly to tears."

Draven gave a slight half-smile. "Exactly. There's more bad news." 

Cassian raised his eyebrows. 

Draven handed him another box. 

"There's absolutely no reason to give me a second medal."

Draven gestured for him to open it. Cassian did, reluctantly. He nearly dropped the box. A brushed-metal square sat in it, three red dots tracing the diagonal, a single additional pip bringing sitting on the bottom, bringing the total rank to…

"Colonel?" Cassian hissed, looking betrayed. 

"They were impressed by your work." Draven folded his arms. "I argued against it." 

"Of course." Cassian looked down at the box, feeling vaguely like it was a poisonous snake of some kind, waiting for the chance to bite. "It hardly sets a good precedent." 

"Yes, that. And…" Draven's voice went tight and serious. "The mission you ran was one you believed in. Enough to defy orders. That isn't something you've ever done before." 

"I will not apologize for it." That was the one thing Cassian had decided. He had done what was right, for the right reasons, and whatever the consequences were the universe would not cow him into pretending he had made a mistake. 

"I don't expect you to. But you did the mission because you believed in it, not as a chance to vault into high command. It's not a kindness to connect the two."

Cassian looked up, surprised. Then again, he probably shouldn't be. Draven had always been able to read him better than most. Then the rest of Draven's words filtered through. "High command?" 

"General Airen Cracken is returning from the Outer Rim, I'll be returning to the field, you'll be remaining to liaise between the general and the intelligence teams." 

Cassian curled his fingers around the box, finding the snake had bitten anyway, no matter his care. "I'm being taken out of the field." 

"Yes. Command has decided you're a symbol of hope and should be treated accordingly. Congratulations. And my condolences."

* * *

Kes shepherded the exhausted young soldiers off the back of the transport shuttle, sending them on their way with a word of praise, a reminder to eat, and for the last cadet, a personal escort down to medical, because he did not trust that young hothead to actually get his damn leg seen to. 

"You're not doing anyone any favors by trying to ignore your injury." 

"It's just a scratch!" 

"Your body is your tool, I expect you to treat it better than that," Kes informed him, unceremoniously dumping him in the arms of the med droids. 

Finally getting his own chance to unwind, Kes rolled his neck and headed down the hallway. Shara wasn't on-base. 

If you asked Kes what the worst part of war was, he'd say something expected, like pointless loss, the tearing down with no rebuilding, the way the Empire had warped no-doubt decent folks into enemies. 

If you asked Kes what the most annoying part of war was, he'd say scheduling. 

In the three months since the Battle of Yavin, he'd seen Shara twice. It was hard. But this was the life they'd agreed to, just had to make the best of it. Kes would call her later, whisper endearments across the stars. 

But for right now he had a date with a 'fresher, a beer to drink, and an Intelligence agent to harass. 

Newly clean and tucked into a fresh uniform, Kes shouldered his way into Cassian's office, holding two beers. 

Cassian looked up, "Kes!" 

The first time Kes had shown up after a mission, he had just grumbled about Shara roping her husband in on unneeded babysitting duties and pointedly ignored Kes. Kes had threatened to break out the holonovelas, and suddenly Cassian had become much more interested in conversation. 

These days, though, he seemed genuinely happy to see Kes, and Shara had said it was the same for her. Kes wondered if Cassian was finally realizing that company could be nice, or if desk work had become so tedious that they just looked good by comparison. 

Whatever the reason, Kes strolled into the office and set the second beer down in front of Cassian, falling into the chair at the right of his desk with presumptuous familiarity. "Tell me, how do you get impulsive idiots to stop throwing themselves into reckless danger against direct orders?" he grumbled by way of welcome. 

Cassian gave one of his blink-and-miss-it smiles. "Are you entirely certain you're asking the right person?"

Kes snorted. "Look, buddy, it's you or Shara, and between the two of you…" 

Cassian gave an acknowledging head tilt. "The answer's the same as it ever was. Positive or negative. Reward good behavior, punish bad." 

"Maybe I'll take away his dessert." 

Cassian abruptly laughed, "Who knows? That might work."

Kes shook his head, leaning in, resting his elbows on Cassian's desk. "So how are things going here? Anything you can tell me about that's not totally classified?" 

Cassian ruefully shook his head. "Recruitment is the main thing." He sighed. "You know how I used to recruit? Impassioned speeches to old Separatist cells, desperate pleas in the middle of a fight, deals struck in back rooms and bars." 

"Why do you sound nostalgic?" Kes asked. 

"Because now," Cassian picked up a page of flimsi—expensive-looking cream edged with gold and covered in an extravagant script—and threw it across the desk derisively, "I'm expected to go to a dinner party full of 'like-minded individuals.' Eat rare birds with some sort of rich sauce and drink wine that costs more money than my father ever made and be gawked at for the cause." 

"Well that sounds terrible." Kes reached over and grabbed the invitation. "Do I sense a sudden headache coming on?" 

Cassian shook his head. "I wish. But the money the funders could give us will keep half our fleet in fuel. I can't be selfish with that."

Kes chuckled as he scanned the invitation. "They gave you a plus-one? Which of your lackeys is gonna get lucky enough to go eat rich people's food and steal their secrets with you?" 

"Nobody else should be subjected to this. They all have jobs to do." 

Kes eyed the invitation. Two days from now, and his squad was stood down for a week. "You could take me. I'll eat endangered duck or whatever instead of running drills for a bit." 

Cassian arched an eyebrow at him. "I am certain Shara would have something to say about that."

Kes almost protested that no, he hadn't meant it like that, that Cassian could use a friend and Kes had some time. That he was happy to take a couple days out of his schedule if it made Cassian less miserable. That's probably what he should have said. 

But something in the way Cassian was looking at him, challenging him, it made Kes feel reckless. So instead of saying anything reasonable, he picked up his chair and dragged it over to Cassian's side of the desk, pulling out his holo. "Well, let's ask her." 

"Ah." Cassian sounded strangled, but it was too late, Kes was already keying in Shara's code. 

Shara answered, and a fuzzy blue image sprang into life, her with her hair pulled back in a messy bun that barely contained her curls, elbow-deep in an engine, grease smeared across her cheek. 

Gorgeous, as always. "Hey baby," Kes said with a smile. 

Shara pulled an arm out to wave. "Hey love! Cass! Nice surprise, I wasn't expecting your call until later." She gestured at her work. 

"Got a question for you. Cassian has a shindig he has to go to. Mind if I go as his arm candy?" 

Cassian squeaked. "I did not ask him to do that," he said quickly, looking at Kes, betrayed. 

"Well why not?" Shara asked with a grin, pushing a curl out of her face. "He's great arm candy. Looks amazing in a suit." 

"I—" Cassian looked from one to the other, eyes wide. 

Kes took mercy on him, chuckling and shoving his shoulder slightly. "Relax. You're not in trouble." 

"Not at all," Shara added her reassurance. "Seriously, you should take Kes. His unit's stood down for the next week, I'm stuck halfway across the galaxy, and it's good for you to have someone at your back." 

Cassian nodded slowly. "I'll consider it." He turned to Kes and shoved him gently. "Go be lovelorn somewhere else. Get out of my office."

Kes smothered a delighted smile. From Cassian, that was nearly playing. "Let me know what the dress code is." 

Cassian's shoulders slumped, looking resigned. "I will." 

Kes picked up the holo in one hand, his beer bottle in the other, and with a quick bow of his head, exited the office. 

"He's too easy to tease," Shara said, once Kes was out in the hallway. 

"He's learning. It's harder to make him twitch these days. Thanks for playing along." 

"Of course! Enjoy your daa-aate." Shara grinned as she put a sing-song emphasis on that last word. 

"He's so dreamy," Kes played along, holding the beer bottle up to his chest with a besotted expression. 

"Hey," Shara said sharply, smile on her face belying her true mood. "You know the rules, if you get an exclusion, I get an exclusion." 

"Oh yeah?" Kes challenged. "So if I add Cassian, who are you adding?"

Shara made a show of thinking. "Hm. Probably also Cassian." 

"Oh so it's like that, is it?" Kes teased. 

There was a thrill of something dangerous about it. Their exclusion lists were old banter, Kes claiming the holoactress Wynssa Starflare, Shara retaliating with Gold Squadron's Verlaine, back and forth with all the comfort of two people that were very much attracted to each other, and very much in love. 

Adding Cassian to it felt different. And sure, some of that was the looks. ("You could cut transparisteel with that damn jaw," Shara had lamented in frustration after two shots of whiskey.) But more of it was the man, the longer Kes knew him, the better Kes liked him. He knew Shara liked him too. 

Out of everyone, Cassian felt the least like a joke, and Kes wasn't entirely certain what to do with that information. It wasn’t exactly the kind of conversation you should have on a comm call.

"Hey babe?" Shara pulled his attention back to her. She smiled. "Seriously, have a good time with him." 

Kes looked at her, wondering if something similar was running through her mind. "I will." 

* * *

Shara grinned at her passenger. "Don't look so glum, Cass. Better accommodations this time, I promise."

Cassian looked up from where he had been focused intently on his datapad, eyes widening in surprise when he saw who his pilot was for the trip. "I didn't know you flew shuttles." 

"Hon, I fly anything. Now it's not my _preferred_ vehicle. But it'll do. " Shara cast her eyes over to the co-pilot's chair. "You want to keep me company up here? Or do you have secret meetings you need to have with your accomplices?" She gestured at the trio that she assumed were his aides. 

Cassian glanced at them, then shook his head. "You know, I think we wrapped up our last clandestine gathering in a dark alley around seven, I should be free now." 

Shara rewarded him with a smile. "Then come on up and take a seat." 

As they took off, speeding through the atmosphere, Shara gave Cassian a sideways look. "Nice to be able to share a ship with lower stakes this time." 

Cassian huffed in amusement. "The lack of broken bones also helps the general situation." 

Shara inclined her head. "This is fair."

Cassian was quiet as Shara keyed in the navigation information, content to sit quietly next to her as she did her work. It wasn't until the hyperspace lever was pulled and Shara sat back in her chair, that he said, "It is good to see you." 

Shara felt the weight of those words comfortably warm her. "It's good to see you too. It's been too long. I've just been running around like crazy. I think you've seen more of Kes than I have." 

"I'm sorry," Cassian said quietly. 

"It's war." Freed of the most frenetic part of flight, Shara took a moment to look over at Cassian. He looked troubled. "I'm glad someone's checking in on him. I'm certainly not going to fault you for having a desk job you don't want." 

Cassian winced at the mention of his desk. Face smoothing out, he said, "I thought he was the one who was doing the checking."

"It's a mutual checking." Shara shrugged. "Also known as friendship. At least, I think of us as friends." 

Shara's heart thudded oddly after that statement. She counted Cassian as one of her best friends. Shara was...generally a friendly person. She got along well with her team, made friends cross-squadron, and she had Kes had casual friends by the dozen. But this was Cassian, she had pulled him off of Scarif and he had sat with her when the Death Star fell; she teased him and prodded him and slowly watched him come alive again. He was her friend. She didn't know if she was his. 

"Of course. You and Kes..." Cassian trailed off. He took a breath. "I have always been alone. You two are the second to decide that was unacceptable. I count you as my friends."

"The first?" Shara asked, figuring she already knew the answer. 

"K-2SO. I reprogrammed him and he repaid the favor by never giving me a moment's peace again." Cassian sighed. "He died. On Scarif." Cassian flattened his lips. "I never expected to outlive him." 

Shara reached across the cockpit, pressing her fingers against Cassian's shoulder. He leaned into them. 

"There's a reason I never thanked you for saving me." Cassian reached up and covered her hand with his, pressing gently. "I wasn't feeling particularly grateful." 

"I'm just glad you got in the A-Wing." Shara squeezed his arm. "I'm pretty damn strong, but I couldn't have hauled you in there unwilling." 

"I'm glad too." Cassian said the words with gentle surprise, like he was learning them even as he said them. His fingers curled around the edge of her hand, until he was holding it, and he gave it a soft squeeze. "Thank you." 

"Anytime, Cass," Shara said, joy vibrating in her chest. "And you're welcome." 

* * *

Cassian grumbled as he paged through the reporting hierarchy for intelligence troops. Generally, spies operated as individuals, or small teams (as Cassian had known intimately well). For a while, nearly every team had reported to one of the Intelligence heads—they were a small enough network that it made sense. But the galaxy was a big place, and they were growing to cover more and more of it, which meant that there needed to be a system of reporting. 

Unfortunately, the business of secrets worked best when they were known by only a few. Which made middle management in that sort of work…problematic. 

Cassian was well aware of the irony that he was, in fact, the middle management in this situation. 

His office door opened, no knocking. These days, that tended to mean one of two people were coming to visit. Kes was off trying to secure an ammo supply deposit the Empire had left with a skeleton crew, which meant… 

Shara. She was quiet, though, as she came in, distracted. She gave him a small wave and not much else, before sinking into the chair on the left side of his desk, burying her head in her hands. 

That was not normal. Alarmed, Cassian stood up. "What's wrong? Is Kes…"

He couldn't even make himself say the words.

Her head shot up with a glare. "He had better not be." 

Cassian's job was to read the situation, read the human face and know what wasn't being said. But for all his skill, he had no idea how to match Shara's body language ot her face, he couldn't fill in the blanks on the words that were not being said. 

"I haven't heard anything." He circled his desk, sitting in the chair on the right (Kes's chair, as he thought of it, though he would admit that to no one else). "Are you alright?" he tried again. 

Shara's face was blank as the anger faded from it. She gave a tiny, lost head-shake. "I…just got back from medical." 

Cassian's stomach twisted. "Yes," he said, as neutrally as he could. 

"I'm pregnant." Shara blinked, and with saying that, the rest of the words came out like an avalanche. "I'm pregnant, I'm six weeks along, the baby's healthy even though I was flying since it's not like we were _trying_ but apparently sometimes birth control just _fails_ and they should really warn you about that, well I suppose they _do_ , on the side of the box, but nobody ever reads those warnings. And I've been grounded." 

The words ran out, and blinking, Cassian sorted through them. "Congratulations?" he tried. 

Shara glared at him. 

"I'm sorry?" he tried again. "It's a complicated situation." 

Shara finally lost her blankness, giving a lost laugh. "Yeah. Cass, we never meant to—" Shara sighed. "Not in war," she finished. "I'm not prepared for this." 

Cassian was struck by the thought that if anyone could manage to successfully raise a child during a war, it would be Kes and Shara. Cassian dismissed the sentimentality. He knew Shara well enough to know she wouldn't respond well to platitudes.

Cassian reached forward, hesitated a moment, before placing a hand on her knee. Shara and Kes were physical sorts of people. Touch came naturally to them. It didn't come that way to Cassian, but he was learning. 

Shara relaxed at the touch, smiling over at him. "Sorry to dump this on you. I just had to tell someone." 

"No need to apologize. You've seen me through enough of my troubles." 

"Right." Shara wiped her eyes. Cassian didn't think she had actually been crying, it seemed more like she wanted to do something with her hands. "Because you're such a talker." 

"Oh, good. If you're teasing me, the worst of the emotional crisis has passed."

"Don't underestimate my ability to tease while panicking. It's one of my skills. It was on my yearly evaluation." 

"We don't do yearly evaluations." Cassian patted her knee and carefully withdrew his hand. 

This was the problem with touching Shara and Kes. They were rich with affection, it spilled out over the edges, there was more in their leftovers than Cassian had known his entire adult life. The problem, as Cassian slowly and carefully learned to return affection in kind, was that it was lopsided in meaning. He knew he placed too high a value on their touch. 

But, so long as he was careful, so long as he never forgot their uneven balance book, he could still be a good friend to the both of them. 

Shara ran her fingers through her hair. "I need to tell Kes." 

Cassian froze. "You haven't told Kes yet?" This was not something that he should know before Kes did. 

"Well I would if he was _here!_ " Shara threw her hands up in frustration. "His squad's active right now. I won't be able to get through to him until they get back to a secure transmission point." 

Cassian stood up. "Come on." 

Shara looked at him questioningly. 

Cassian tipped his head to the door. "Let's go down to Communications and abuse my authority. Colonel Andor can certainly manage to set up a secure comms channel and a private room to use it in." 

Shara blinked up at him. "Really?" 

Cassian held out his hand to her. "The rank has to be good for something." 

She took his hand, pulled herself upright. Once she was standing, she kept moving, wrapping her arms around Cassian and kissing his cheek. "Thank you," she whispered against his ear. 

Feeling heat flood through his veins and Cassian reminded himself that this touch meant friendship, nothing more.

Cassian stepped back, holding both of Shara's hands in his. "Of course. Let's go get you a channel so we can give Kes the good news. And then, if you're going to be stuck on base, you can spend some time helping me figure out some of Intel's reporting problems." 

Shara squeezed his hands. "If I'm doing that, you're going to help me figure out what in the Nine Hells of Gandalar I'm supposed to feed myself while I'm growing a tiny human." 

"Deal," Cassian said soberly. 

Friendship was what was offered, friendship is what he could give in return. And that, in itself, was miracle enough.

* * *

Kes couldn't help the skip in his step as he ducked out of the shuttle with a quick wave to his pilot. He was going back to his father's house. Kes loved his dad, but he had to admit, his excitement for the visit had very little to do with his father, and very much to do with his six-month-old son. 

Kes had seen Poe when he was born, and again at three months old, and the difference was heartbreaking and amazing. He wanted to do nothing more than forget the war and settle in with Shara and raise his son. 

But the galaxy was a place of terror and oppression, and Kes knew he couldn't spend the time he wanted with his son now, if it meant that he would stop fighting for the future his son would live in. It was the same for Shara, back flying, leaving Kes's loving but gently disapproving father to take care of his grandson. 

His father met him at the door. "Mijo," he said happily, eyes crinkling at the corners. "It's good to see you." 

"Good to be here. How is he?" 

"Oh, no 'how are you, Papa?'" His father teased, nudging Kes's shoulder. "I see how it is. He's in the backroom. Watch out, he's rolling now, nearly crawling. Don't leave him sitting alone on top of anything." 

Kes nodded, started to move deeper into the house, when he paused and turned back to his father. "Papa, thank you for this, I couldn't do it if I didn't know he was safe."

"Then maybe I shouldn't watch him anymore." Kes's father folded his arms, and his gaze hadn't grown any less potent over the years, Kes still wanted to duck his head and apologize for whatever had made him disappointed. 

"Papa…" Kes made a face. "I have to—" Kes cut himself off. "Let's not argue about this again." 

His father inclined his head. "Fine." His shoulders slumped, suddenly looking very tired. "I know you have always followed your heart. Your conscience. But it breaks my heart to see Poe grow up without his parents." 

Kes flinched, his jaw twitching. "It breaks mine too," he said, trying to keep the guilt and anger out of his voice. This wasn't his father's fault. 

His father shook his head slowly. He reached for Kes's shoulders, pulling him close and pressing a kiss against his cheek. "I am proud of you. He's a good boy. Like his father." He pulled back, hands on Kes's shoulders nudging him towards the back room. "Go see your friend." 

Kes walked back, amused at his father's phrasing. He and his father had never really been "friends" and it seemed a strange word to put on Poe. 

As he walked toward the back room, Kes slowed, hearing a man's voice sing softly. As he got closer, he made out the words. 

_"—ró mi niño, arroró mi sol,"_

Kes arrived in the doorway to see Cassian's profile, looking down on Poe with adoration, softly singing as Poe's chubby hands reached for his face. Cassian nuzzled his face down, brushing his nose against the boy's hands as he kept singing, notes rolling out slowly in his surprisingly smooth singing voice, _"arroró pedazo, de mi corazón."_

The scene was lit in soft light, afternoon sun flitting in from the blinds. Poe remained stubbornly awake, tiny coos of delight with Cassian's proximity. Kes forgot he should announce his presence, and just leaned against the door. He watched Cassian sing and rock his son, and let the warmth of the moment soothe the weary ache in his heart. 

The song ended abruptly when Cassian glanced up, his eyes going wide at the unexpected presence. He tensed, but his hands around Poe stayed soft, and he quickly relaxed. "Poe, bebé, look who it is." 

Poe's big brown eyes cracked open, and he looked at Kes suspiciously for a moment. Kes held out his arms and Poe decided he was alright after all, and reached for him. Kes took Poe from Cassian and settled his son in his arms. 

It was a little awkward, as Kes got used to Poe's new weight, feeling a guilt so familiar that it was nearly mundane, that he didn't know his son as well as he ought. 

"I didn't realize you were coming," Cassian said, his voice low. 

"Our business cleared up quicker than we expected, I had some extra time. I wasn't expecting you to be here, either." 

Cassian looked a little embarrassed. "Forgive me if I overstepped. I was already travelling nearby and…" Cassian shrugged. "I wanted to meet my godson." 

Cassian focused on Poe, and his face was so full of love that Kes's heart gave a strange flutter. Cassian would be a great dad. If he ever managed to shake himself free from war, he was going to make someone very happy. 

Kes didn't like that idea. There was a growling, possessive thing in his chest that snarled that Cassian was _his_ , was _theirs_ , that Cassian already had a home and it was with him and Shara and now Poe. Kes's idea of family had grown by one, it could grow by two, if there was room for a baby, there was certainly room for the man who would visit the baby and sing lullabies. 

"Should I go?" Cassian asked, sounding reluctant, as he looked back up at Kes. 

"No," said Kes, a little more forcefully than he normally would have. Poe stirred from his shoulder. Kes soothed a hand against the baby's back. "You should stay," he continued more softly. 

He wanted to say things like, 'You should stay forever,' and 'I really want to kiss you,' with possibly a side of, 'I love you.' 

But he should really talk to Shara first. Kes glanced down at Poe. And maybe spend some time thinking. But for right now… 

"I've missed you. It'd be good to spend some time with you. And you're right, you should meet Poe." 

"Then I'll stay." Cassian gave a small smile, reaching forward and running his fingers along the back of Poe's baby-soft hair. "He's beautiful." 

"He is," Kes said, looking at Poe and smiling. He looked up to find Cassian looking at him, that same soft expression on his face as when he looked at Poe. Cassian flushed and looked away. 

Hope danced deep in Kes's belly, at the realization that Cassian might feel the same. 

* * *

After six stupid, pointless weeks flying scouting patrols where no scouting patrols were needed, Shara finally, _finally_ was back in Kes's arms. 

His hands traced slowly down her sides as she sat straddling him. The kissed lazily, sunk in the moment, enjoying each other. Some gentle, exploratory rocking served as a reminder of where the evening was going; it was slowly stoking Shara's blood to burning. 

Kes's comm chimed. 

"Ignore it," Shara insisted in a whisper, grabbing Kes's lower lip between her teeth.

"I was planning on it," Kes assured her, bracing his broad hand against her lower back and rolling his hips up. 

Shara gave a happy groan, just in time for her comm to chime. 

"No," Shara said, pleading, as Kes reached for her comm. He gave her a regretful look, and grumbling she took it. 

"Cassian?" she asked, surprised when she saw who was calling.

"Forgive me. I know you just got back. But—" Cassian's eyes looked beyond the projector, nodding at some distant information. He looked back to them. "It is a matter of some urgency. I understand if you can't—"

Kes pushed his head up into the projector range, and Shara saw how Cassian's jaw twitched, his eyes darting away then darting back to them. 

"We can talk. You want to come by, or just handle it over comms?"

"I'd...prefer to be in person, but I'm intruding, I should—"

"We're in quarters," Shara said. "You know where they are. See you in five?"

Cassian nodded. 

Shara flicked off the comm, to find Kes giving her a considering look. 

"Hm?" she asked.

"I'm tempted to suggest we just stay where we are, see the look on his face when he comes in."

Shara looked down at their bodies, her tank top hanging off one shoulder, a series of marks descending down her chest where it once sat. Kes's shirt was rucked up to mid-chest, top button of his uniform pants sat undone. 

"Well it would certainly make a statement," Shara said ruefully, even as she slid off of Kes and tugged her strap back on. 

He sighed, arching from the bed as he wiggled back into his pants, buttoning them. "I guess this isn't the agreed upon seduction plan."

There was no agreed upon seduction plan. They had barely had enough time together to confirm their mutual interest, and none at all to actually do something about it. So they whispered giddy dreams across the stars, and whichever of them was at base spent their time loving Cassian as best they could, in the confines of the friendship they'd fought so hard to develop. 

Some part of Shara hoped that maybe this trip... maybe. But right now, her body thrumming with arousal from having Kes against her again, lust-addled and touch-hungry, was probably not the best time to make the rational, reasoned approach that she figured had the best chance actually working with Cassian.

Cassian showed up five minutes later, nearly to the second, knocking on their door. Shara wondered if he was waiting around in the hallway, looking at a chrono. She wouldn't put it past him. 

"I'm sorry," he said, as soon as he entered, "I wouldn't normally intrude, I know how little time you have—"

"Cassian," Kes said softly, standing from the bed to cross over to him, laying a gentle hand on Cassian's shoulder. "What's wrong?" 

Cassian swallowed. "This doesn't leave this room." 

Kes and Shara both nodded their agreement, eyebrows furrowed. Shara glanced over at Kes. This didn't sound like Cassian. Cassian normally kept work secrets well separate from his relationship with the two of them, letting the classified information flow down the usual chains of command. Shara didn't know what it meant, that Cassian would change things now, but she was worried about it. 

Cassian took a deep breath and continued. "There are rumors circulating that the Emperor authorized the building of a second Death Star. Rumors only, no fact but..." 

"Those are disturbing enough rumors," Kes said, shivering. 

Shara, struck fresh by the fact that she had nearly lost him to the first one, reached over and squeezed his arm. He smiled at her, with a small reassuring nod. 

"Yes. We have some slim chance to verify it. There's not much to go on, but someone needs to chase it down." Cassian looked down at his hands. "There is no one with the correct skills available, aside from me."

"They're letting you off-leash?" Shara asked around a sudden worried lump in her throat. She knew Cassian hated his gilded cage, but for all that, she was grateful for it. It was good to know, that out of the three of them, there would always be someone on-base to come back to. 

"Yes. I'm leaving today. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but before I left..." Cassian stopped, sudden uncertainty on his face. "I thought...it seemed very important that you knew." 

"Well of course it is," Shara answered automatically, searching his face. "I'd go tearing up Intel if I thought you suddenly vanished on me."

Cassian nodded. "Also, I—if the two of you don't mind—I decided to..." Cassian trailed off, then rallied. "In the event that something happens to me, I requested the two of you be notified." 

"Nothing's going to happen. You're coming back to us," Shara growled, half-startled by her own sudden possessive feelings.

Cassian turned to face her fully, his dark eyes serious on her face. "In the event. I thought...I wanted you to know. I understand if you would rather not—" 

Kes came up behind him, laying another hand on Cassian's shoulder. "We want to know. We care about you." 

Cassian relaxed at the touch, at the words. "Thank you." 

"Of course we do," Shara said, realizing belatedly that her outburst could have been interpreted as disinterest. "I just hate the thought that—that you might—" 

Cassian smiled, and it was an intimate sort of smile, it spoke to the knowing between them. He reached forward and put a hand on her elbow. "I know you do. That is its own sort of gift. Thank you." 

Shara felt irrationally angry. The idea that Cassian would be missed shouldn't be a gift, it should be a fact. It should be something he knew in his bones, that he was welcome with them, that he was wanted by them, that there were people waiting for his return. There was a line drawn between the three of them, as real as the physical line, Kes's hand to Cassian's shoulder, Cassian's arm to her elbow. 

Cassian belonged with them, and he should know it. 

Shara was moving before the thought even settled properly. Blame the warm up between her and Kes, blame the tension in the room, blame the fact that they might not have another chance; whatever the reason, the moment was _right_ in Shara's bones. She was a pilot, she was a creature of instinct and decisive action, and she would not act against her nature. 

Her palms found Cassian's shoulders, shoving him back against Kes. A second later and she stepped forward, pressing against his front, fingers bunched and gripping his shirt as she sealed her mouth against Cassian's. 

Cassian was stiff, frozen between her and Kes, but Shara knew him by now, and she waited, her lips against his, giving him the time he needed to realize what was going on. She felt Kes's hands rove down Cassian's side, and a second later Cassian's hands, covered by Kes's, wound their way around her. 

"You should probably kiss her back," Kes suggested softly. 

Cassian stayed still a moment longer, and then, like ice splintering across a lake, a shiver raced him. It started with his legs, ran up through his torso, his arms tightened around her, he drew her in closer, and as the wave of emotion crested, a broken moan was her only warning before Cassian was on her, blazing hot and ready to devour. 

The kiss was everything Shara had dreamed of, everything she loved about him: it was sharp, it was an argument, a back and forth of tongues and lips. They kissed, a give and take with no clear victor, only for the joy of the clash. 

"You're coming back to us," Shara promised when she pulled back, leaving Cassian leaning shivering against Kes. "You need to understand this, Cassian, you are going to fight for the smallest scrap of victory, because you have people waiting for you to come home." 

Kes's hands wrapped around Cassian, holding him against Kes's chest. "She's right," he said softly, squeezing Cassian gently. 

Cassian nodded shakily, twisting his head and looking up at Kes. There was a plea on his face, answered when Kes leaned down and kissed him too, a hunger in the way he surged up on his toes to meet Kes's kiss fully. 

Heat twisted in Shara's belly as she watched the two of them together. They were gorgeous, the way Kes's hand splayed low on Cassian's chest, supporting him, the way Cassian twisted, desperate for more. Kes's steadiness met Cassian's hunger, and Shara could only watch them for a moment before she returned, drawn back like an unwary Captain to the song of the star sirens. 

She covered Kes's hands with her own, leaning in to taste Cassian's neck. His skin was sweet under her tongue. Even as his free hand wrapped around her, he pulled back to say brokenly, "I have to go." 

"We know," Kes said, his voice so low it sent shivers through Shara. "We're just letting you know what you have to look forward to."

"Wish I could mark you," Shara whispered against his skin. "But I suppose that might mess with your whole spy thing." 

Cassian pulled his arm back, moving it between them. Shara stepped back, eyes widening as she realized he was undoing the collar of his shirt. The next three buttons were undone in quick succession, and Cassian tugged his shirt to the side, revealing the delicate skin under his throat. 

"Not above the uniform," Cassian said, and oh, Shara could work with that. 

She leaned in, setting herself to the task of wrecking that pretty skin of his as he trembled underneath her. Shara felt Kes's hand at her tank top, pulling the strap aside to reveal the marks that he had left on her, just minutes earlier. As she worked at Cassian's chest, she felt his hands skate over the tender skin there, and she gave a low groan, pulling back. 

"Are you _sure_ you have to leave right now?" Shara asked plaintively, staring with no small amount of pride and possessiveness at the bruised skin along his chest. 

"Soon," Cassian whispered. "I have maybe fifteen minutes before I need to get my things." 

"I can do a lot in fifteen minutes," Shara said, arching an eyebrow. 

"Shara," Kes chided. He leaned down to kiss the side of Cassian's neck. "He's too important to rush." 

Shara grumbled, reaching forward to touch his jaw, his hair, trying to fix the feel of him in her mind. "Fine. And I suppose we should talk at some point."

"Oh," Cassian said, unsteadily, but with good humor, "Are we talking now?" 

"Got something you need to say?" Kes asked, drawing his lips up Cassian's neck. 

Cassian's eyes fell shut and he reached forward, a hand blindly finding Shara's arm and circling her wrist. He didn't tug, just held her there, leaning against Kes as he said, "I'll do my best to come back." 

"Good," Kes said. He slid his hand up until he found Cassian's open shirt, pressing his fingers against the bruised skin there, "You're ours, and we don't want to lose you." 

"Yours," Cassian tasted to word with quiet wonder. After a moment, he nodded, opening his eyes and fixing Shara with a serious expression, "Everything that's in my power," he promised, his fingers tightening around her wrist. 

"You're a survivor, Cassian." Kes's fingers never left his skin, drawing gentle lines over the surface. "You remember that." 

"I will." 

* * *

The explosion tore through the base, and Cassian grabbed at the closest railing. The entire platform pitched and rolled under his feet. He scrabbled at the bars, desperately trying to hang on, but it was no use, his fingers found no purchase and he slid painfully down the ramp. 

He crashed into the wall at the bottom of the suddenly-appearing slope. With a painful gasp he tried to stagger to his feet. He needed to get off the base before they realized who set those explosions. Too early, they had gone off too early, someone must have walked into the data server and set them off. 

Cassian managed to get to his elbows before an unholy shriek of metal caused him to look up. A large shelving unit had ripped free of it's all mount, and was listing alarmingly toward him. With a burst of adrenaline, he managed to lunge forward, trying to avoid the inevitable fall. 

He almost made it. 

Cassian screamed as durasteel-framed shelves came crashing down on his right leg. There was pain, blinding pain, and he fought to keep conscious. He managed to stop screaming, get his breathing under control, and he gave a hesitant look back down at his leg. 

The shelf had his calf pinned, and Cassian gave a tentative tug of his leg. 

Pain surged through his body again, and he buried his head in his hands until his stomach stopped roiling. He wouldn't be getting it out that way. At least the coordinates were already out, sent back to the Rebellion. A group of Bothans had critical information on the Emperor's second attempt at a superweapon, and now the Rebellion would be able to make contact.

Two Death Stars, two messages, two successful missions with no extraction plan. There was a beautiful sort of symmetry to it. A reason he had survived the first, so that he could complete the second. There would be no Shara this time, appearing from nowhere to whisk him to safety. Shame. 

He didn't want to die. 

Cassian fingered the collar of his jacket, the suicide pill sown into the lining suddenly unbearably heavy. This wasn't the first time he had lain broken on the ground in hostile territory, thinking about that pill and knowing he should probably take it. The last time, the burning certainty that the message wasn't sent yet had gotten him to his feet, dragged himself back up the tower, kept his feet moving until the message was sent. 

But the message was sent. The job was done. This is exactly why the pill was given. He didn't have a mission driving him forward.

He didn't _want_ to die. The mission was done, yes, but that wasn't the only thing to live for. He wanted to get back to Kes and Shara. He wanted to give himself over to Kes's careful hold, to find out what exactly Shara could do if given more than fifteen minutes. He wanted to see Poe, to hold him, to teach him the Festian tales Cassian had loved when he was a boy. 

For the first time in Cassian's life he looked to the future and saw a possibility beyond the cause, and he was not going to die before he got there, not if he had anything to say about it. 

Cassian twisted, slowly sitting upright so he could face the shelving unit that fell on him. Each movement caused the sick-sharp pain to run through him, but he breathed steadily and pushed through. He managed to brace his shoulder against the shelf ( _don't look at the leg, just don't look at the leg_ ) and lifted, gritting his teeth as he moved it a millimeter, a centimeter, enough to painfully scrape his leg free. 

He threw himself away from the shelf, which settled again with a bang. Cassian shook, looking around. The station docks were...that way. 

The less said about the painful journey through the station the better, his leg useless weight as he half-crawled half-limped through the hallways. He made it to the docks, found a civilian supply transport, and curled up among the cargo. 

Maybe he'd get caught. It was the best he could manage. 

Luck seemed to hold, though, and he felt the shudder of a ship coming to life before he heard any footsteps find him, and the ship jumping to black was the last thing he remembered before he gave up and gave into the blackness tugging at the edge of his vision. 

He woke up clean and comfortable, a body curled along his left side. Cassian looked down at the messy mop of curly black hair and smiled. Either he had made it, or this was an undeserved paradise. Either way, he was happy with the moment. 

"Look who's awake," a gentle voice said on his right. Cassian looked over to find Kes sitting in the bedside chair. Kes reached over, running his fingers through Cassian's hair, resting with his palm cradling the back of Cassian's head. "We were worried about you." 

"We were," Shara agreed, her voice drowsy as she shifted carefully, twisting and propping herself so she could look up at him. "You went comms silent," she said reproachfully.

"It wasn't my idea," Cassian answered honestly. 

Kes kept combing his fingers through Cassian's hair, a soothing gesture, "It's not like we didn't have enough to worry about." 

Shara rubbed at her eyes. "True. We found Impstar Deuce. And then we blew it up." Shara gave a sharp nod, pleased with herself. 

"It went much easier this time, because Shara was there." Kes sounded amused. 

"Got that right." Shara stretched. "Sorry for falling asleep on you. It's been a long day...week...month." 

"It was a nice wakeup," Cassian admitted with a smile. 

"You are way more chill about this than the last time you woke up in a medcot to find me next to you." 

"You've grown on me." Cassian reached out and traced his fingers along her nose, which she wrinkled adorably. "I am sorry for worrying you." 

"You got damn lucky," Shara informed him, nuzzling his fingers. "The trader whose ship you were on had a cousin in the Rebellion, they did basic med patching and got you to an outpost."

"You came back to us." Kes's hand stroked down to the back of Cassian's neck. "That's the important thing." 

"There was a point…" Cassian swallowed. "I came back because of you. It could have gone the other way."

Kes's hand tightened around the back of Cassian's neck, a firm grip that guided Cassian's head up to meet Kes's unusually serious dark brown eyes. "I'm glad it didn't," Kes said. 

Cassian shivered, felt entirely known by that kind, serious expression. Cassian had always understood he'd get one or the other: known or loved, never both. He usually tried for neither. But Kes and Shara knew him, and here they were anyway, waiting for him to wake up.

"Will you kiss me?" Cassian asked. His instincts told him not to ask, told him to wait and see what he was given, but Kes had held him close and Shara had kissed him, they had claimed him and ordered him to come back. Cassian trusted their intentions, trusted them enough to ask.

Shara gave a pleased murmur and cuddled in closer. Kes didn't bother answering with words, just tightened the guiding hand at the nape of Cassian's neck and bent over to meet him. 

* * *

Yavin buzzed, the hum of insects hanging heavy in the evening air. A slow, lazy feeling of contentment sunk into Kes's skin, as he kicked his feet up on his porch and looked out at the stars, winking into view as the sun set. It wouldn't be nearly so pleasant a view without the insect repellent field up, of course, but even that periodic crackling of electricity added to the feeling of home. 

_His_ home. What a concept. He had been a little worried he'd never manage to get Shara free of the Rebellion as it slowly turned into the New Republic, so it was an unexpected joy when she floated the idea of them retiring. Cassian...

One battle at a time, Kes mused. Right now, he was going to enjoy the evening, sounds of Shara playing with Poe coming through the open door behind him. 

"Ukle Caf!" Poe said in his toothy baby voice, and Kes shot upright, looking over his shoulder. 

Cassian stood there, bemused and a bit wobbly, recovering from three-year-old Poe crashing into his legs. "Hello Poe," he said seriously. 

Shara made a more graceful approach, kissing Cassian on the cheek. "What a delight! We weren't expecting you!" 

"I...it's a story." 

"We'd love to hear it." Kes made his way back in the house, pleased butterflies taking flight at the way Cassian quietly melted around them. "What do you need? Water? Food? Something a little stronger?" 

"To sit down, I think." Cassian looked a little pale, now that Kes paid attention, limp heavy on his wounded leg. 

"Of course. Come here, you hellion," Shara picked Poe up and swung him around in a daring swoop that had him shriek-laughing before she settled him on her hip. "Please, sit," Shara collapsed on the couch, "And Kes will get the pitcher of agua fresca out of the conservator." 

Kes could certainly follow an order that clear. He made his way over to the conservator, opened the door, and pulled out said pitcher, as well as some small snacks. He came back into their living room to find Poe now snuggled with Cassian in their armchair, while Shara sprawled on the couch next to them, her head hanging over the edge and making faces at Poe upside-down. 

Kes, after some shifting, managed to get the drinks down and the snacks laid out. He tapped Shara's shoulder, and she obligingly lifted her torso with a showy grunt, collapsing back down on Kes's lap after he slid in. Kes let one hand play in Shara's curls, handing a glass to Cassian with the other.

Cassian shifted Poe, now falling asleep against his chest, and took the glass. "Thank you." 

"It's good to see you." Kes said, trying to put as much emphatic welcome in as possible. 

"It is," Shara affirmed. "So what's the story? Last time we left you were in medical starting your rehab. You got our comms, right?" Shara rolled over on Kes's lap, propping her elbows up on the side of the couch and resting her chin on her crossed arms. "We tried to keep you updated with everything, but once we got out we weren't sure if they would actually put our messages through." 

"I got them. And I appreciated them." Cassian's face tightened. "I was just in no position to respond." Cassian's mouth tightened, drawing into a pained little line as he said, "My leg got worse. It turned out there was an infection, deep in the bone and I'll spare you the details but..." He handed his glass off to Shara, and tugged his pant leg up, metal gleaming clearly where skin once was. 

"Oh Cass," Shara breathed. "We would have been there." 

Cassian settled the pant leg back down, reached over and rested a hand on her elbow. "You were needed elsewhere. If I had needed company, I would have reached out, but I needed to recover more."

"So why are we getting a visit now?" Kes asked. "Feeling better?" 

"Feeling retired," Cassian countered.

Kes could feel Shara start against him, and knew his own eyebrows were raised. "Really?" he couldn't help but ask. 

"Is it so unbelievable?" Cassian asked, sounding gently amused. 

"Um, _yes_ ," Shara said emphatically. "You give off serious lifer vibes. I kinda figured we'd be making regular visits out to whichever planet the New Republic government offices settled on. Luring you back here on vacations."

Cassian's smile was pleased. "You were going to visit?" 

"Cass. If you couldn't get rid of me with the silent treatment and horrible holo shows when we were strangers, do you seriously think that now that I've gotten my hands on you a little thing like a shuttle ride would stop me?" Shara snorted. "Think again." 

Cassian's shoulders shook in silent laughter, and he shot a worried glance down at Poe, who snuffled restlessly but resettled. 

"So what does retirement hold for you?" Kes asked. 

Cassian gave a tiny shake of his head, still looking down at Poe, fondness on his features. "I don't know. I knew I had to see you. I don't know what comes next." 

"You stay," Shara said simply. 

Cassian looked over at her, fondness not fading. "You have a guest room for me?" 

"We do," Kes said gently. "We also have an obscenely large bed. You're welcome to whichever one you want." Kes paused. "Or both, if you'd like to switch things up." 

Cassian swallowed. "You're sure?" 

"Entirely," Kes said.

Shara didn't answer with words. Instead, she got up off the couch, lifted Poe off of Cassian, and handed him over to Kes. Then she strolled back to Cassian and straddled his lap. "We're very sure," she said, and kissed him deeply. 

Kes looked down at Poe. "I think it's bedtime, young man." 

Fortunately, Poe was exhausted enough that he settled quickly, and Kes returned to the living room to find Cassian with his hands up the back of Shara's shirt, Shara's head thrown back as Cassian kissed down the line of her throat. 

Kes stepped up and worked his fingers into the curly tangle of her hair, massaging gently. Shara gave a happy sigh, and Cassian looked up, eyes already dark with want. "If you're sure—" 

"We're _sure_ ," Shara reiterated impatiently, shifting against Cassian. 

Kes worked one hand free of her hair and reached down to curl his fingers under Cassian's chin. "We are. You staying?" 

Cassian's throat worked as he stared up at Kes. There was something defiant in the set of his jaw as he said, "I love you." He looked over at Shara. "I love you both. I don't want to stay if that's going to be a problem." 

"Why would it be a problem?" Shara asked. 

Kes pulled Cassian's jaw back up, and Cassian met his eyes, a stubborn glint in them. Kes gentled his touch, smoothing his thumb along Cassian's chin. "Why do you think we've been asking you to stay?" Kes said gently. "We love you too." 

Cassian's eyes fell shut, and a shiver ran through him. 

"Of course we do," Shara echoed, sliding off the chair and pulling Cassian up into a hug. "Listen, Cass, I think I've loved you some kind of way since the moment you folded your arms with a smirk and made me watch an hour and a half of children's holos." 

Cassian laughed, choked with emotion. "I don't know when I started loving you. By the time I realized it I was already drowning with it." He buried his face against Shara's neck, voice muffled as he said, "I'll stay." 

"Good," Kes said, reaching forward to hold them together. "Welcome home."

**Author's Note:**

> _Specific trigger warnings: Cassian indicates he did not want to be rescued. Slightly later, Cassian says that while he doesn't want to be dead, existence is difficult to deal with. There is a reference made further on in the fic to his canonical suicide pill. This fic is framed around healing, and Cassian's frame of mind improves as the fic moves on._
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed tracing Shara and Kes through the war, and the way they gradually drew Cassian in. I know I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
